A CFI for "Jasper, Street Fighter and Me"

What I call CFIs

I have had a couple of ideas kicking around in my head for the last week or so.  The first being; What I in the fourth episode of the "Jasper, Street Fighter and Me" series I give Jasper and Street Fighter voice and their own dialogue at times. The story would still be from Maggie's point of view, but Jasper and Street Fighter's would take over the story at times, or as an added view.

The second idea, would take it a step further, and allow Maggie, Jasper and Street Fighter to either talk to each other vocally or through strictly telepathy.  Maggie would have to suffer some form of a head injury, and the discover that they could all hear each others thoughts.

Just for fun, I rewrote one of the scenes from "Candie is not Always Sweet" with the boys talking.  The column on the left is as it is written in the book while the column on the right has Jasper and Street Fighter talking.  I would love any feedback you might want to give on this.  

Thank you,  Richard Nurse